


Round 'n Round

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, F/M, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-08 19:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1952553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“I thought Jack was dead!”</i> Sometimes, there are no good ways to approach a topic. AU S4 reunion fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Round 'n Round

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to scornedsaint for the beta job!

Martha propped her head up on one hand and stared hard into her mug of tea. Warm steam wafted up from the mug and tickled her nose.

She should have known this would happen. It was never “just one trip.” Not when it came to the Doctor.

She rubbed her blurry eyes and raised her head. Donna sat across from her, munching on a handful of crisps.

“How long has it been?”

Donna shrugged. “Dunno. A few days.”

Martha sighed and drooped back down on her arm. “Don’t they have to come up for air?”

“Maybe they’re dead.”

Martha snorted. “And let that interrupt their happy canoodling? I don’t think so.”

Donna’s look was a little bit _too_ knowing for Martha’s liking. “You seemed happy enough for him.”

“I was—I am!” Martha said. Of _course_ she was. She knew better than anyone how much the Doctor had missed Rose Tyler. And it was brilliant they’d rescue him and that they were reunited—really, it was. It was just… saving the Doctor’s life was one thing, but floating aimlessly in the time vortex for days on end was beginning to drive Martha mad.

“I have my own life to get back to,” Martha mumbled. “I have a boyfriend, too! And I have responsibilities to UNIT.”

Donna crunched on another crisp. “You could always go and knock.”

Martha couldn’t think of anything that sounded less appealing. In fact, facing down the Master again seemed easier in comparison. She did _not_ want to see Rose’s naked bits and the Doctor’s naked bits all… together and mashing.

“It’s better than watching him mope,” Donna continued. “I was thinking about getting him a pet. Maybe a turtle. D’you reckon he likes turtles?”

She shrugged and went back to her crisps. Martha pondered her options.

“I’ll wait,” she decided. She pointed to the crisp bag. "Feel like sharing?"

The sound of a slamming door reverberated through the ship and Martha jumped to her feet, yanking her hand back.

“That was them!” she breathed. “Got to be, hasn’t it?”

Another door slammed and a male voice said, “Where are you going?”

Donna and Martha exchanged a look. Martha felt compelled to drop her voice to a whisper. “What was that?”

Donna pressed her fingers to her lips. A second later, Rose’s voice responded.

“This way.”

“What way?”

“THIS WAY!”

“Rose, that’s not an answer.”

“Oh, isn’t it? I’m going in the direction opposite _you_!”

There was a long moment of stunned silence. Donna’s hand froze with her crisp halfway to her mouth, her eyes bugging out of her head.

“This sounds serious,” Martha said. She frowned. “Maybe we shouldn’t listen in?”

“Are you mad?” Donna said. “This is better than telly!” She grabbed the crisps and took off at a run. Against her better judgment, Martha followed.

The voices got louder.

“Oh, right, then. Are you going to fly yourself home? Is that it? Well, you can’t! There’s no way to travel between parallel worlds! Ha!"

“Obviously it’s not so impossible as you’d like, is it?”

Donna stumbled to a sudden stop outside the console room. Martha came up beside her. Rose circled the console, pressing random buttons and throwing switches as she went. The Doctor followed her, flicking off the buttons and switches after her. Neither of them noticed they were no longer alone.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Rose looked like she was blinking back tears. “You told me I’d never see you again and I believed you. I mean, not _believed_ you, believed you, ‘cause I’m standing right here, but that’s just the point!” She yanked up on a lever with particular vehemence. “Were you lying?”

The Doctor froze, momentarily abandoning the console. The TARDIS heaved to one side. Donna almost lost her grip on the bag of crisps, but managed to catch them between her fingers.

“How could you _think_ that I would…”

Rose’s head snapped up from the console. “Don’t know. You tell me.”

“I _looked_ , Rose—”

“Not hard enough!”

The Doctor circled the console, trying to get closer to Rose, but she moved out of his way. He let out a frustrated growl. “Maybe things have changed, maybe what the Master did weakened the walls between worlds, but I _wasn’t_ lying to you that day. I would _never_.”

Rose pounced on that. “I thought Jack was dead!”

The Doctor stopped abruptly, nearly banging into the console. His mouth dropped open and a strangled noise came out.

Tears spilled down Rose’s cheeks, but she continued. “You _never_ said! You just—just left him behind and carried on like nothing happened!”

The Doctor flinched, completely forgetting Rose’s half-cocked attempts to fly the TARDIS. The ship tipped heavily and Martha braced herself on the wall.

There was a hint of desperation to the Doctor’s tone that hadn’t been there before. “I was trying to protect you.”

Martha could tell right away that he’d made a mistake. Rose’s eyes widened and then hardened. “ _Protect_? So it’s your job to decide what I can and can’t handle, is it?”

“No! I mean—yes! Maybe!” The Doctor softened his voice. “Is it so wrong?”

“What is it, then, Doctor?” Rose said. “What’s so horrible that you can’t tell me?”

Rose wasn’t just furious, Martha realized. She was _scared_. She thought back to that day in the year 100 trillion when she’d heard the Doctor and Jack talking about this very thing. Martha glanced back at the Doctor. Had he really never told her?

“It was me, wasn’t it?” Rose whispered, voice catching. “I did something. What did I do?”

The Doctor took a few steps back from the TARDIS’s console. He shoved his hands in his pockets and studied his trainers. “He died and you… you brought him back. But he came back a bit wrong.”

Rose’s lip trembled. She looked like she wanted to reach out to the Doctor, but she hastily folded her arms over her chest. “How?”

The Doctor took in a long breath. “He’s what you might call immortal, but it’s more than that. Even someone who can live forever can be killed, but not Jack. He’ll live forever because he’ll have no choice.”

Rose backed away and she squeezed her middle. “I didn’t know.”

“No,” the Doctor said. “You couldn’t control it, Rose. It wasn’t your fault.”

Rose ignored that. “You knew,” she said. “And you just… just left him behind. He must’ve been so scared.”

The Doctor struggled. “It was instinct. He was wrong.”

“It was _instinct_?” Rose said, exploding again. “He was _WRONG_? What about me, Doctor? What if I’ve still got that stuff inside of me? Are you gonna dump me off in the future, too?”

Donna shoved another handful of crisps into her mouth and she and Martha leaned forward to catch the Doctor’s response.

“No.”

Rose tucked a stand of hair behind her ear, struggling for breath. “How can I know that?”

“Because I… because it’s you.” They stared at each other, some sort of unspoken agreement passing between them, but then the Doctor continued. “I took the power out of you, Rose. All of it.”

Comprehension dawned and her eyes widened. “Oh, my god.” She braced herself on the pilot's chair and then sat down. She stared at her hands. “I killed you.”

Martha felt like something had kicked her in the stomach. He’d _died_ for her? Donna muttered a soft, “Wow.” She popped another crisp into her mouth, chewing nervously.

The Doctor hesitated and then dropped down in the pilot’s chair next to Rose. He looked like he wanted to touch her, but he kept his hands to himself. Instead, he stared intently at her face.

“Don’t you _dare_ think that,” he said. “Not even for a second. Do you understand me?”

She raised her head and met his eyes. Something she saw must have convinced her because she nodded.

Martha looked away. Her gaze locked with Donna who gave her a tremulous smile. It wasn't right, listening to this. It wasn't like watching telly at all.

“We should go,” Martha mouthed. Donna reluctantly began to nod, but the Doctor’s voice drew their attention again.

“Jack and I… we’ve sorted things out.”

“Yeah?” Rose said bitterly. “He’s perfectly all right knowing he’s never gonna die? That I’m the one who made him what he is? That I made him into someone you ran away from?”

The Doctor blinked at her dumbly, but then hopped to his feet, focusing on the catwalk. Rose stared down at her lap.

The Doctor’s words came out in a rush. “What do you want me to say, Rose? Tell me. _Anything_. I’ll do it.”

Martha began to feel a bit sorry for him. She didn’t know how the Doctor managed to do it—get himself into these sorts of situations. Donna crumpled the bag of crisps in one hand, looking a bit sick.

"If she goes and breaks his heart again..." Donna began, whispering with false bravado.

Martha forced a small smile. "It's not exactly Rose's fault, now is it?"

Donna hesitated and then shrugged, turning her gaze back on the couple in the console room.

Rose sniffed and scrubbed her palms over her cheeks. “It… it doesn’t work that way, Doctor.”

The Doctor crouched down in front of her. They looked at each other. Rose hesitated and then slid off the pilot’s chair and into his arms. They grasped each other tightly and the Doctor slowly relaxed, tension easing from his shoulders.

The sudden silence that followed felt jarring. Martha bit her lip. She suddenly felt like she was intruding on a moment of deep intimacy. The Doctor had his eyes closed and one hand moved in soothing circles over Rose’s back.

Martha glanced at Donna. There was a suspicious hint of wetness in her eyes.

“Let’s go,” Martha whispered.

Donna nodded.

***

Rose wasn’t sure how long they stayed, clinging to each other on the floor. The Doctor’s breath was warm and heavy against her neck and ear.

She only pulled away when she couldn’t ignore the throb in her knees from the grating. Even then, they didn’t separate. Rose held onto both hands, tugging him up on the pilot’s chair next to her.

At first, they didn’t say anything. They just sat. Rose felt like she’d spent the day running form a horde of angry aliens. _Everything_ hurt. Her eyes burned and there was a tingle in the back of her throat.

Rose squeezed the Doctor’s hands, and then said, “Does… does he know? Does Jack know what I did?”

The Doctor stiffened, but only said, “Yes.”

“Oh,” Rose whispered. “Is he angry?”

He looked at her, but he suddenly felt very far away. “No.” He held her eyes. “Do you want to see him?”

“Yeah,” Rose said. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

The Doctor nodded. He released one of her hands to scratch the back of his neck before taking a breath and starting again. “Rose, I’m sorry you found out that way.”

 _Sorry I found out at all_ , Rose thought, but she didn't say it. She couldn’t take another row. Besides, she _knew_ that about the Doctor. Things between them had been going so well. It’d been like a dream—no, better than that because it was real. If he hadn’t let Jack’s name slip, she didn’t think he ever would have brought it up.

Suddenly, his fingers gripped hers. “Rose, you’re not going to leave, are you?”

“What?” she had to blink at him, sure she’d heard wrong. How could he really think she’d…? She’d come across _universes_ for him. She’d saved his _life_. And then there was that shagging. She was pretty sure that had been an obvious signal.

“Sorry, no, never mind,” the Doctor said quickly. He sprang to his feet. “Fancy a cup of tea? And maybe some biscuits. Mind you, we’re out of jam, which means that—”

“ _Doctor_ ,” Rose said. He abruptly shut his mouth and sent her a pained look. Rose would have laughed if the situation hadn’t been so serious. “I’m not gonna leave just ‘cos we had a fight. It doesn’t work like that, yeah?”

“Right.” He still looked uncertain. “You don’t really think I lied to you that day, do you? It _should_ be impossible, traveling between parallel worlds.”

Rose suddenly found herself fighting back tears. “Of course I don’t,” she managed. She replayed their argument in her head and flushed. How could she have said those things?

The Doctor watched her cautiously, hands shoved into his pockets. “Rose?”

She rubbed at her eyes, brushing away the tears. Her stomach rumbled. God, she was _famished_. She looked up at the Doctor. She wanted food and then she wanted a good cuddle.

She smiled and reached for him, managing to grasp one cufflink. “Do we still have those spongy cake things?”

He brightened. “The ones with the chocolate?”

“Yeah!”

“No clue,” the Doctor admitted. He wandered over to the console and began righting all the haphazardly turned levers. “But we can buy new ones in—oh, about two minutes?”

“You just want more jam,” Rose said knowingly, but she went to join him. She watched him move around the console, quietly letting herself enjoy the experience after so long. “Doctor?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

He looked up, funny half-smile on his face. “Yeah?”

“Not sorry about being angry,” Rose said. “Cause you should have told me, yeah? But I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”

He opened his mouth, but when no words came out, he shut it again, looking flustered. Rose felt a sudden burst of affection for him. She closed the distance between them, cuddling up to one side and leaning her head on his shoulder.

His chin dipped down to rest on the top of her head. “Rose?”

“You can fly the TARDIS with one hand, can’t you?” she tried to make it sound like a challenge, but she knew it came across as needy. It didn’t matter. She knew he needed it, too. It was hard to be separated now, and their row brought the world into sharp focus again.

“Yeah,” the Doctor said. “I reckon I can manage it.”

Rose had a sudden image of the TARDIS crash-landing in the middle of the Saharan desert, but pushed it away. She tiled her head up and smiled at him. “Good.”

Soon they’d have to start getting on with things. They’d have to leave the TARDIS and start saving the universe again. Martha had to be getting home. And Jack—they’d have to find time to see Jack, and she had no bloody clue what she could say to him.

For now, though, she wanted to hold onto him for just a bit longer. Cuddle first, she decided. Food later.


End file.
